Monday, May 19, 2008

Fearfully Excited!

Recently, the boys and I were jumping on the trampoline together. We had finished up because the crystals in my inner ear were telling me, "Your too old for this." It's just jumping on the trampoline but for some reason extended time makes me feel like I have been on the Tilt-A-Whirl. Who knew!?!

As we were climbing off, the typical scene took place. One I am sure you are all familiar with. I stood on the ground looking up at my youngest son who was standing on the edge.

"Go ahead Grant, Jump!"

You've seen the look. Simultaneous expressions of complete fear and total excitement. One side of the brain is saying, "No! Don't do it. You might fall." The other side of your brain is saying, "Daddy will catch you. Trust him. Jump!"

It was one of those surreal moments when I witnessed this all too familiar expression in my son's face and I realized...that's me!

I am standing on the edge of the unknown. A place in my life that I view with simultaneous fear and excitement. One side of my brain says, "Don't leave the security of your career. You've worked hard. You have been diligent. Just stay safe."

And yet, my Father is extending open arms and He is calling me to jump. "Trust me He says. I would not call you to do something that I have not prepared beforehand. I am faithful. Jump!"

Like my son, the bigger part of me knows that he will catch me. The excitement of following what He has called me to is greater than anything I could imagine. Yet the fear of failure and the waves crashing around me cause my faith to weaken.

Without a doubt, this is the life lesson God has been teaching me since we started this journey. When I chose to stop pursuing my MBA and instead move toward a (very expensive) seminary degree...Do your trust Me? When I chose to remove the safety net of my physical therapy licensure...Do you trust Me? As we now prepare for the changes in finances...Do you trust Me? As I look ahead to life as a pastor. A life I look at with admitted fear and excitement...Once again, do you trust Me?

And as a Father, I can understand the joy it must bring when His child is willing to defy the fear of death in order to experience the faithful arms of love. I know it makes my heart glad when Grant leaps from the side of the trampoline with eyes wide and fixed upon me. Only to land in the safety of my arms and with great excitement say, "Again, Daddy, Again!"

I pray that I bring my Father that same joy - over and over. "Again, Daddy, Again!"

1 comment:

  1. "Jump first, fear later." Mike Yaconelli

    Wonderful insight and awareness.

    Looking forward to whatever comes our way.